


impulse

by yadoiangel



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Bad Parenting, Character Study, Conflict Resolution, Fluff, For who?, Gen, Happy Ending, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Tattoo Artist Kuroo Tetsurou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:08:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25724860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yadoiangel/pseuds/yadoiangel
Summary: im·pulse/ˈimˌpəls/nouna sudden strong and unreflective urge or desire to act.Similar:urge || instinct || drive || compulsion || need || itch || whimor to Kuroo, the thing that dictates most of his life choices.for Kuroo Week 2020, Day 7Prompts: Tattoo Artist AU; wounds/scars
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou & Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39
Collections: Kuroo Week 2020





	impulse

**Author's Note:**

> I know the tags look heavy but they're warnings for the OCs, not for Kuroo himself, and as such, the actual discussions of Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, and Bad Parenting is contained in only a section of the entire fic, which you will be able to anticipate. The rest of the fic is light and centered around Kuroo and what he got up to in this life of his. Enjoy!

_“If you were that into volleyball, why didn’t you go pro? From what Tobio-kun’s told me, you were a defensive specialist, and you certainly got the height for the leagues…” Ushijima wondered._

_“Can’t believe you’d also ask me that but—eh. I found something else I wanted to do,” Kuroo answered, starting in on cleaning Ushijima’s chest area._

_“Being a tattoo artist?” Semi asked._

_“That, but also I’m in college doing a double degree in chemistry and education. Had to find a job, and as it turned out I also like this,” Kuroo said, indicating the whole room._

~~~

Kuroo had always been a fast decision maker, and it has always depended on his whim. He’s been like that since he was a child, and even if his whims didn’t last as the whims of a child are wont, sometimes, there would be moments that would transcend whim and go straight for that part of a person that would surely worm its way in the recesses of the heart. That was what it had been like for Kuroo and volleyball; for Kuroo and Kenma; and more recently, for Kuroo and tattooing. The decision to be a tattoo artist wasn't as light as Kuroo told Ushijima had been.

He was thinking about getting a part time job, but a tattoo artist wasn't one of the options he was considering, not until an encounter with a classmate of his.

~~~

It was the end of his first year in university and he just decided to take on a double degree. He’d been talking it out with Kenma for weeks now, but the deadline for his decision was finally here.

"I have to give up one thing. That’s the only way I’ll be able to stay alive—I have to quit one thing. Chemistry, teaching, or volleyball," Kuroo said from Kenma's bed, “I don’t want to give up anything,” he mumbled, looking up at the ceiling.

"Sounds like you've already decided and you just wanna complain about it," Kenma replied from his desk chair, spinning around.

"Can't I?! Can't I mourn the fact that I have to give up something I've been doing my whole life just to chase after another thing that _unfortunately_ ripped my heartstrings out to make room for itself?" Kuroo cried out.

"I gave up volleyball too you know," Kenma pointed out.

"Yeah and do you remember how you were?" Kuroo challenged.

"I was normal, Kuro," Kenma said, confused.

"Ha!" Kuroo said, pointing at him, "Ha ha!" he added a few more times.

"How about stop pointing at me and start explaining. You look like a bad comic villain," Kenma said as he continued spinning, making himself dizzy.

"You were _not_ normal. You knew you were giving it up, and you were still mopey for like, an entire week. Even Chibi-chan couldn’t handle the gloom! Remember he left you alone for like those last three days after he tried so hard to cheer you up?" Kuroo told him with a grin, knowing what was going to happen next.

“I was not,” Kenma refuted.

“You were,” Kuroo immediately shot back, sitting up from the bed.

“I wasn’t,” Kenma persisted.

“…Nope, you absolutely were,” Kuroo said after a pause.

“Was not,” Kenma said, still spinning.

“I can call up the shrimp to prove it,” Kuroo offered, stopping the spinning chair with a hand to the back.

“Stop,” Kenma told him, annoyed.

“But Kenma,” Kuroo whined, drawing out the a, “Let me have this! I let you wallow for that week, why can’t you do the same for me?!” he asked.

“I’m already helping by not kicking you out, now let go of my chair,” Kenma told him.

“That’s barely helping! Cuddle with me!” Kuroo exclaimed, then picked up Kenma bridal style and carried him to bed. Kenma was struggling, but this was a regular occurrence for them and not once has he broken free of the taller’s hold on him midair. 

“Kuro! Do you have to do this every time?” Kenma complained as he got situated between Kuroo’s arms.

“Yes,” Kuroo mumbled into Kenma’s hair, “You know you’re my favorite comforter,” he added, curling himself into Kenma’s back.

“You’re such a dork, Kuro,” Kenma told him with a sigh.

“You love me,” Kuro answered.

“No I don’t,” Kenma said.

“If you didn’t, why did you clear your whole schedule when I told you I was coming over?” Kuroo asked, and he knew Kenma was blushing after that question.

“Wh-how did you know about that?” Kenma stuttered out, feeling embarrassed to have been caught.

“I asked, of course. Your ‘assistant’ said you called just after I called you to say you’ll be unavailable. Who’s mushy now?” Kuroo shot back.

“If you don’t shut up I’m kicking you out of bed. And stop calling Hisato that, he’s my friend, not an assistant,” Kenma scolded him.

“Fine fine, I’ll stop calling _Ogawa-kun_ that if you admit it,” Kuroo negotiated.

“Admit what?” Kenma asked, still a bit annoyed.

“That you cleared your day for me,” Kuroo asked, voice going higher in an imitation of a bashful voice.

“You’re such a pain in the ass, Kuro,” Kenma grumbled, weighing the pros and cons of the deal in his head.

“You love this ass,” Kuroo murmured, feeling drowsy.

“I regret that choice,” Kenma answered, then sighed before saying, “Yes, I cleared my day to take care of your dramatic ass.”

“You’re the best, Kenma,” Kuroo hugged him closer, draping on leg over him as well, which told Kenma it’ll be an afternoon nap. He sighed again, reaching for the PSP under his pillow. It was going to be a long week.

~~~

“Oh hey, you must be the new guy!” Kuroo’s seatmate told him. She was wearing their uniform with tights and a long sleeve jacket even though it was June. She had a pleasant smile that immediately made Kuroo feel welcomed.

“Yeah, I am. Kuroo Tetsurou,” Kuroo introduced himself.

“It’s nice to meet you! I’m Matsuda Yuuna!” Matsuda said, holding out her hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you too,” Kuroo nodded at her, going back to staring at the front of the room.

“You transferred from another major, right?” Matsuda asked.

“Oh, no, I’m taking two majors this semester,” Kuroo told her, “How’d you know about the transfer thing?” he added.

“Oh! Sorry, I’m the student assistant in the department’s admin office. I saw your registration, but I didn’t see that you were taking two majors. I’m sorry if that’s… a bit creepy,” Matsuda said, scratching the back of her head.

“No, it’s all good, that makes sense. I was just curious how you knew,” Kuroo back tracked as well.

“What’s your other major then?” Matsuda asked.

“I’m also taking chemistry,” Kuroo answered.

“Wow that must be so hard. Why did you wanna take education too? Last semester with only one almost killed me,” Matsuda rambled, then caught herself again, “Not that I think you can’t do it! I’m just thinking if it was me, I didn’t mean to judge!” she added as she shook her head so hard Kuroo winced for her, feeling dizzy.

“No no, don’t be sorry. It’s alright! A lot of friends of mine think I’m crazy for taking both too, but well, it couldn’t be helped,” Kuroo said with a shrug.

“Oh? How so? Did your parents force you?” Matsuda asked again, turning serious. Kuroo was startled at the change.

“Nothing like that,” Kuroo answered with a laugh, “I just meant I couldn’t help it. I _had_ to take it,” he added.

“Huh? Had to? What do you mean?” Matsuda asked, head tilted to the side with a confused look.

“Well, let’s just say an experience at the end of last semester made me realize I wanted to teach, and the urge never left so here I am,” Kuroo tried to explain.

“Must be nice for it to be that simple,” Matsuda thought out loud, seemingly to herself, thinking about Kuroo’s answer.

“What? It wasn’t like that for you?” Kuroo asked this time, curious.

“Oh, no it was _not,_ ” Matsuda said with a strained laugh, but before Kuroo could say anything else, the class started.

After class Kuroo was looking a little lost in the hallway, trying to figure out where everything was in the different wing of the campus where most of the education classes were held. Matsuda was last to exit, and she saw Kuroo just standing there.

“Need any help?” Matsuda asked cheerfully, walking up to him.

“Oh hey Matsuda-san. I’m just figuring out where EL 3013 is? Professor Mori?” Kuroo showed her his schedule.

“Right… you’re new,” Matsuda nodded, thinking to herself, “How about I show you around after all your classes? My day ends at the same time as yours, so it wouldn’t be a bother, plus I can also show you the study halls and hang out places and the student and extracurricular org offices,” Matsuda rambled, leading Kuroo to where his next class was.

“You don’t really have to, you know. I can figure it all out on my own eventually, right now my mind’s just a mush from that last class, and the next one starts right away and I’m still not used to where all the classrooms are…” Kuroo told her.

“Even if you can, Kuroo-san, now you don’t have to! It’s hard when you’re starting in a new place and you’re not used to it yet, so the least I can do is help,” Matsuda pointed out.

“…Thanks, Matsuda-san,” Kuroo said with a slight smile at the shorter.

“Plus as the student assistant it’s kinda my job?” Matsuda added with a laugh.

“Oh so I’m just an obligation, huh?” Kuroo teased.

“Wh-What?! No, that’s not it! It’s just I know how—” Matsuda was shaking her head again along with her hands in front of her. Kuroo cut her off with a big bellied laugh.

“Relax, I was kidding. I really appreciate it,” Kuroo told her.

“O-Oh, well, you’re welcome, I guess?” Matsuda was still feeling a little high strung, “And here’s Professor Mori’s class. His class is a bit lighter than that last one, so your brain should be able to take it,” she teased him.

“Thanks for the heads up,” Kuroo nodded back.

“So uh, meet me in front of the registration office after all your classes?” Matsuda asked as Kuroo walked into the room.

“Sure. Thanks for this again!” Kuroo answered, sitting down in the front row.

~~~

That was how the two met and became friends. They were in the same year and in most of the same classes, so it was easy to hang out. Soon enough she became part of Kuroo’s group, meeting Bokuto (with Akaashi because, let’s face it, as much Bokuto loves Kuroo as his friend, he’s almost always in Tokyo to see his boyfriend) and of course, Kenma, and they became friends as well.

It seemed to Kuroo though, that while Matsuda was active in a lot of student organizations, she didn’t have any close friends like Kuroo had. She reminded Kuroo of Karasuno’s little manager Yachi, noticing his current classmate as anxious and entirely too conscious of what she said—just like the blonde, or well, just like Yachi was in highschool.

Bokuto invited him one afternoon to hang out since he was in Tokyo, and he was pleasantly surprised to see Yachi there with them too. He was more surprised that the scared little manager from high school was nowhere to be found that afternoon, and instead it was a self-assured college student who can handle Bokuto’s personality he met. Matsuda wasn’t like that, at least not yet, but Kuroo wanted to see her confident in herself too. He told Kenma this, of course.

“Yuuna’s fine, Kuro, stop meddling with other’s people’s lives,” Kenma scolded him.

“I’m not meddling! I just think it would do her good to come out of her shell more is all!” Kuroo defended himself.

“Yeah, like you did me?” Kenma challenged evenly.

“You were more stubborn than her, and look at you now! You don’t cover your face anymore, and you actually reach out to people now. Your channel’s taking off, too,” Kuroo pointed out.

“What, are you taking credit for all of that now?” Kenma asked teasingly.

“No, of course not! But I _was_ with you through all of that, and I like to think I helped a little,” Kuroo mumbled, pouting.

“Kuroo, here’s a thing you gotta get through your head. All of that happened because I wanted it all to happen, because I decided I was tired of how anxious I was, and even then it was hard to push through with that decision,” Kenma started, pointing at Kuroo. It seemed like he was properly annoyed this time.

“And nothing happened before that. Yuuna’s gotta want it too to start, or else you’ll just annoy her. You know, like all those years in high school you annoyed me,” Kenma told him, smirking at Kuroo.

“Hey no fair! I wasn’t that annoying. You even thanked me that time at nationals!” Kuroo exclaimed, feeling as if Kenma was being too unfair with his assessment.

“That’s because I knew you were going away after that,” Kenma said with a straight face.

“I regret everything. Now you’re too much of a little shit,” Kuroo said, reaching from the bed to ruffle Kenma’s hair where he was sitting in front of his PC.

“My point is, you can’t do anything unless she wants it for herself,” Kenma concluded, shaking off Kuroo’s hand.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Kuroo dismissed, moving on to other topics.

~~~

Kuroo had never voiced this out loud, but there would be moments when he would just resent teaching—the whole concept and how he wanted to do it. He’s not a child anymore, of course, and while impulse still dictated most of his choices, he _has_ gained a modicum of restraint and and reflection. He still loved volleyball—would always love it, but somewhere along the way to adulthood he understood that what happened with him and volleyball was what other people would call the formation of a person’s dreams.

That’s what he started calling these whims that stayed with him; when he was a kid it was volleyball. When he met Kenma, _dream_ took on a new meaning, going further than just a profession you wanted to do for the rest of your life to the person you wanted to spend your life with. Then chemistry came, and with it was the realization that things weren’t as easy as they were when he was a child. _Then_ teaching came into his life, and it was painful to realize that he could discover more dreams, but he can’t expect that they'll all come true.

It was something he’d have to make peace with, and while for the most part he had, he’d occasionally regret his choices, especially when the double major was kicking Kuroo’s ass; and it was only the midterms.

“I’m fucked. I am royally fucked,” Kuroo said, banging his head down on the table at the library.

“Will you stop that? I don’t want to get kicked out, please,” Matsuda told him, not looking up from where she was copying something off of a book.

“Oh sure, that’s the only thing you comment on. If you can’t even be bothered to help me why did you ask me here?” Kuroo told her accusingly, looking up from where he was slumped over.

“Kenma begged me to. He said he can’t take more of your dramatics, told me not to indulge your whining so…” Matsuda trailed off with a shrug, still not looking at the other.

“I am not whining! I’m seriously fucked!” Kuroo defended himself.

“You are not! Now will you please stop? Some of us are actually studying, you know, instead of crying about it,” Matsuda pointed out.

“If I read one more sentence on gas laws, I’m going to murder someone,” Kuroo said seriously.

“Then study what I’m studying,” Matsuda offered.

“What are you studying?” Kuroo asked.

“Education laws—” Matsuda started, but she was cut off.

“The e-Education approach? I’ve finished that last night,” Kuroo dismissed.

“Then read up on Organization Deve—” Matsuda switched tactics.

“Also done,” Kuroo ticked off two fingers on his hand.

“Educational Statis—” Matsuda tried, now wanting to quiz Kuroo.

“Gave me a headache yesterday, but I’m done with that too,” Kuroo ticked off another finger.

“How about your gen-ed classes? PE? Community Service? English?” Matsuda questioned.

“Are you kidding me? I’m all caught up on those too,” Kuroo scoffed.

“Even Discrete Math?” Matsuda eyes were wide.

“Yep, did that last week so I can get time for OrgDev,” Kuroo nodded. There was a moment of silence as Matsuda just stared at him, before practically exploding.

“Then what the _fuck_ are you complaining about? You’re ahead of me! You’re smarter than most people here, and you’re actually pulling off the double major thing!” Matsuda seethed at him, shocking Kuroo. He’d never seen the other even raise her voice, let alone curse at anyone. Kuroo attributed the outburst as a testament to the stress of midterms.

“Yeah, I am, but that’s because I put in twice as much effort just to be competent, not even to excel,” Kuroo said cautiously, explaining himself. Matsuda had her head in both her hands, shaking it.

“I’m sorry I—just, I keep forgetting you have to do that for this whole other major thing, putting in double the work. When you said you had most of your educ courses down to pat and you’re _still_ complaining, well, I kinda lost it,” Matsuda said, offering a sheepish smile.

“I know, I know, I get it, no harm done. Although, that’s the first time I heard you curse. That’s not very becoming of the admin student assistant, is it?” Kuroo couldn’t help but tease.

“Shut up, please,” Matsuda groaned at him.

“What else are you hiding huh? Do you litter? Vandalize campus property?”—here he gasped—“Don’t tell me, do you not walk in a straight line when you’re all alone?” He asked dramatically, clutching at his chest in mock horror. It made Matsuda giggle despite herself.

“Fuck off, seriously, I’m trying to study,” she said.

“Fine, fine. Do you want me to help?” Kuroo offered, not knowing what else to do.

“Only if you’re done with your whining,” Matsuda said to him, going back to her copying. Kuroo only rolled his eyes before scooting closer to explain some of the concepts.

~~~

He survived the semester, of course. Kenma has always told Kuroo he made a big deal out of too many things, and that he liked to complain too much. Kuroo wouldn’t say that Kenma was right, but with the way everyone told him the same thing during zombie week, he thought he could cut back on the dramatics for a bit, and treat his friends to a night out to celebrate.

“Matsuda! I’m gonna throw a party at my place tomorrow night, you should go!” he invited her after one of their classes let out.

“Oh, I don’t really go to parties, Kuroo-kun,” she declined, walking along with him.

“Don’t worry, it’s not gonna be a raging college party, as much as I want to make it one. Kenma doesn’t do well around strangers so it’ll just be the usual gang,” Kuroo explained.

“The usual?” Matsuda asked.

“Bokuto and Akaashi, my kouhai Lev if he’s in the city, Ya-chan, a friend we know from another high school back in Miyagi who’s studying here now too… and you,” Kuroo enumerated, ticking off the people he called friends on one hand.

“I’m part of the usual?” Matsuda was surprised to be included.

“Well, yeah, of course, you helped me get through this sem more than anyone,” Kuroo told her laughingly, “So how about it? You gotta show up to meet Ya-chan, you’ll like her,” he added.

“What do you usually do at these small parties?” Matsuda asked, curious.

“We just hang out, mostly. Order in food because none of us are worth shit in the kitchen… Bo and Lev usually think up shenanigans for the rest of the night,” he said conversationally, remembering some of the things they got up to last year and leaving out that he was usually the brain of the shenanigans.

“That _does_ sound fun… I’ll see if I can go,” Matsuda promised.

“Great! I’ll text you my address! Be there around 8-ish. See you tomorrow!” Kuroo said with a wave of his hand at her as he walked away, not seeing the way Matsuda sigh heavily.

~~~

“Matusada! I’m glad you can make it!” Kuroo greeted as he opened the door to his and Kenma’s shared apartment.

“I am too. I haven’t gone to a lot of parties,” she said, coming in and taking her shoes off at the entryway.

“Don’t worry, this’ll be a lot of fun! We’re still waiting for Lev, but I’ll introduce you to Ya-chan now,” Kuroo said, hurrying to the living room.

“Is that Yuuna?” she could hear Kenma ask, and when she rounded the hall she could see that he was sitting down with his back to the couch and a controller in hand already, eyes trained to the screen.

“Yep,” Kuroo answered, “So, Matsuda, you already know Bokuto and Akaashi here,” he pointed to them respectively. They were sitting at the dinner table, having their own conversation.

“It’s nice to see you again, Matsuda-san!” Bokuto lively greeted, while Akaashi only nodded in her direction.

“Hello again, Bokuto-san, Akaashi-san, and Kenma,” she waved at them with a smile, and Kenma acknowledged that with a nod.

“And this one right here,” Kuroo continued, rounding on where Yachi sat on the couch beside Kenma, watching his game, “Is the infamous Yachi Hitoka I’ve been telling you about,” he finished.

“What have you been telling her about me, Kuroo-san?” Yachi asked, “Hi! It’s nice to meet you! Please disregard whatever Kuroo-san has told you about me,” she added with a teasing smile to Kuroo.

“They’re all nice things,” Matsuda laughed unconvincingly, sitting down on the other side of Yachi.

“Hey! Ye of such little faith in me,” Kuroo mumbled at them.

“I think it’s accurate,” Kenma told him.

“Kenma! The light of my life! The love of my heart! How you betray me this way,” Kuroo continued, clutching at his chest.

“I think you’re nice, bro!” Bokuto said, interrupting his conversation with Akaashi.

“Thank you, Bo. You’re the only one I can rely on here,” Kuroo pointed at him.

“Oh is that so? Maybe I should stop helping you then,” Matsuda said under her breath, making Kenma snort.

“Well you think I’m nice, right, Matsuda?” Kuroo asked her with a pout.

“That depends. Define nice?” Matsuda asked the room teasingly, setting Kuroo up as the butt of the joke.

“Nice is when he takes _entirely_ too long waking up in the morning and I have to drag his ass out of bed,” Kenma immediately said, a small smile forming on his face.

“Or when he bargains for literally everything, from food to chores to favors,” Akaashi commented.

“Or when he literally interrogated a lecturer _in class_ when he thinks they’re wrong?” Matsuda added, which made the entire room laugh.

“Well he was!” Kuroo defended himself.

“Still, that’s not nice, bro!” Bokuto scolded, “You could’ve asked after the class,” he said with a frown, which just made everyone laugh more.

“Bro nooooo,” Kuroo said, then mimed dying on the floor, which everyone ignored.

“I hope you didn’t have any trouble getting here,” Kenma told her, winning his game and finally looking up at Matsuda.

“Oh it was fine, I know my way around the city now,” she answered.

“I think the overall effects could be a lot smoother,” Yachi commented, lounging on the arm of the couch, extending an arm for the controller which Kenma gave.

“Aren’t you feeling hot, Yuuna? And how so, Hitoka? That’s the best my team could make it,” Kenma said from one to the other on the couch.

“Oh no, I’m fine. I like this sweater,” Matsuda answered, and Kenma noticed the tension to her shoulders the moment he asked, so he let it go.

“Just, I think it could be. I’m not familiar yet with the language you coded it in, but you asked me from a designer’s perspective so…” Yachi shrugged.

“You’re a design major, right? You know programming languages?” Matsuda asked her.

“Yeah! I took an elective on web designing last semester and I thought it was really interesting, and Kenma here immediately roped me into his project,” Yachi said, and Matsuda laughed along with her.

There was a knock at door again, followed by Lev’s “Kuroo-san! It’s me!” and Kuroo grumbled but sat up from the floor where he was pouting to answer.

Matsuda was taken in with Kenma’s and Yachi’s conversation that she forgot about Akaashi and Bokuto, which wasn’t the usual—it was hard to forget Bokuto. She didn’t pay it any mind until Kenma quieted, as if listening.

“Wait… Akaashi, where’s Bokuto, Kuroo and Lev?” Kenma asked the other who was apparently napping at the dinner table.

“They said they went to buy food,” Akaashi groggily answered.

“You do realize they’re all alone, right?” Kenma pointed out.

“…Shit,” Akaashi said, suddenly alert.

“Yes, shit,” Kenma told him, relaxing against the couch.

“Matsuda-san, if it’s not any trouble, would you help me go after them?” Akaashi asked, already putting on his shoes at the entryway.

“Um, sure, but why me?” Matsuda asked.

“Because Yachi will give in to whatever they’re doing, and Kenma can’t be bothered enough to stand up,” Akaashi said with a roll of his eyes.

“I would, if you weren’t here,” Kenma said with a grin that Akaashi only pointed at.

“One of these days, Kenma, I swear I’ll get you off your ass,” Akaashi promised, and Matsuda laughed at them.

~~~

“How did this happen again?” Akaashi asked in a deceptively calm voice, but all of them except Matsuda knew just how annoyed he was.

“Uh, it was Lev’s fault—” Bokuta started.

“I didn’t ask whose fault it was, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi interrupted, staring at the three of them with his hands crossed in front of him, “I just wanted to know why you were riding a broken shopping cart home with your clothes all wet on a cold October night without the food you said you’d buy us,” he finished, each word getting sharper and consequently, making Bokuto cringe. Matsuda felt bad, but she was also trying not to laugh at their display.

They checked a couple of convenience stores to look for the trio first, but when that proved unsuccessful Akaashi finally suggested the local grocery, already thinking about Bokuto and shopping carts. Apparently that was a regular source of mishaps for them. When they saw them in the parking lot of the grocery—without food, and with a wet Bokuto—Akaashi sighed so hard Matsuda thought he was going to run out of breath.

“Well, I just wanted to ride a shopping cart, so Kuroo got me one, but we didn’t notice a wheel was broken and they lost control of it so I went directly into a sewer, but I got out and I’m okay!” Bokuto rambled out so fast it was hard to keep up, and he stopped as suddenly as he started, anxiously looking at Akaashi, who just sighed again.

“And instead of getting yourself cleaned, why did you decide to ride the broken shopping cart again?” Akaashi asked.

“Well, I didn’t get to ride it for long before I went into the sewer and I wanted more time to ride some more!” Bokuto complained.

“And you two didn’t think there was anything wrong with that?” Akaashi turned his attention to Kuroo and Lev, making them straighten up from where they were giggling together.

“Well, you know how Bokuto can get when he really wants to do something Akaashi,” Kuroo started persuasively, “And I’m his best bro! You know I can never say no to him,” he finished, an imploring look on his face to understand. Akaashi only stared at him, unimpressed.

“Kuroo-san, I know for a fact that you’re smart, but sometimes it doesn’t really show,” Akaashi told him.

“Hey! That was uncalled for, Akaashi,” Kuroo complained while Lev and Matsuda only laughed at him.

“Alright, why don’t you and Lev go get us food this time, and I’m going to take Bokuto-san home. Matsuda-san, if you don’t mind, can I ask for your sweater? Bokuto-san needs more layers, and out of the two of us, I think you’ll be able to stand the cold longer in your coat and innerwear than I can,” Akaashi asked her.

It was reasonable, she knew that, but the question still made her uncomfortable, especially with Akaashi staring at her, clearly expecting her to agree.

“Wouldn’t it be a bit small on him?” she asked, trying to think of other reasons not to have to take her sweater off.

“Usually, yes, but I can see that your sweater is stretchable,” Akaashi answered, and she cringed inwardly, laughing awkwardly on the outside. She couldn’t think up of any other excuses, so she went to take off her sweater quickly, then handed it to Akaashi.

“Thank you, Matsuda-san,” Akaashi said in that same even tone while Matsuda quickly put her hands in the pockets of her coat, hiding her inner wrists.

“What are you two still doing here? Go get some food, and it better not be all junk,” Akaashi scolded Lev and Kuroo who were just standing there watching them.

“Yes, Akaashi-san,” Lev saluted him, then went to go. Kuroo was staring at Matsuda with an intrigued look on his face, before turning back to follow Lev.

“Akaashi, are you mad at me?” Bokuto asked with a pout.

“No, Bokuto-san, I’m just disappointed. We’ve talked about this multiple times in the past, but you don’t seem inclined to listen to me,” Akaashi started rambling, but Matsuda tuned them out all the way back to Kuroo and Kenma’s place. It was easy, since the two of them always seemed to be in their own world with each other.

The rest of that night was relatively calm, and Matsuda definitely had fun. It was nice, having a group of friends she could hang around with once in a while. She wished she could have more chances for nights like these, but she knew it wouldn’t be allowed.

~~~

“I need a job,” Kuroo told her in lab next semester, “Either that or I completely give up eating,” he added, banging his head on a table.

“Why?” Matsuda asked.

“I just saw the requirements for labs,” Kuroo answered, “There’s a lot there that I can’t afford on just my regular allowance,” he explained.

“Your parents don’t help?” she followed up with a frown.

“Ah, they don’t know yet. I don’t want to ask them for more, to be honest, they’re already trying their best,” Kuroo said with an embarrassed smile.

“Well with your workload, do you even have time?” Matsuda said with a tilt to her head.

“With jobs that depend on hours? Definitely not,” Kuroo nodded, “So I was thinking something commission based, or like, someone who’d just wanna throw me some money,” he added.

“What, Kenma not enough for you?” She teased.

“Kenma… has offered, yes,” Kuroo said seriously, making Matsuda regret her teasing, “We had a fight about it, actually,” he said with a sigh.

“Oh? This is a recent thing?” Matsuda asked.

“Yeah, when I brought up looking for a job,” Kuroo agreed, “He dropped the ‘I can give you money’ line and I just went haywire,” he said with a shrug.

“Well, why not? He does have it,” Matsuda pointed out.

“Yeah, but it’s _his._ He should be using it for him, not for me,” Kuroo said, frustration clear in his voice.

“If it’s his, should you be giving _him_ the choice on where or who to spend it on?” Matsuda said, confused.

“You don’t get it, Matsuda,” Kuroo protested.

“Get what? How money works?” Matsuda was getting defensive.

“No! I just—you don’t have a boyfriend. It’s different,” Kuroo said dismissively.

“What does that mean? _How_ is it different?” Matsuda pushed, properly irked now.

“Money—it comes with strings attached, _always,_ okay? It’s hard to mix that with your relationships, and I don’t want to add that issue to my relationship with Kenma,” Kuroo tried to explain, but his frustration was making him snappish.

“I might not have a _partner,_ Kuroo, but I know how money works,” Matsuda threw back at him, “I know how it can ruin a relationship. I’ve seen it first hand,” she added, and her vehemence once again shocked Kuroo.

“I-I’m sorry,” he immediately stated, staring at her.

“Next time, _Kuroo-san_ , how about you don’t take it out on someone else when you’re frustrated, hmm? I was just trying to help,” Matsuda told him with a slight glare, then turned away to face the front of the class.

It was then that Kuroo realized he actually didn’t know a lot about the other, not really. Sure, she’d tell him things about her interests, but now that he looked back on most conversations, Kuroo was always the one to overshare about his family, his friends, and Kenma, while Matsuda always avoided it, focusing their conversations on current events or views. It was then he started suspecting some things about Matsuda.

~~~

“Kuro, you’re properly meddling now,” Kenma told him seriously.

Kuroo came home that day to tell Kenma what happened, not even properly making up first after their fight.

“What? Tell me it’s not suspicious!” Kuroo answered back.

“Not the point. Even if it’s true, you don’t have any right to invade her personal life. That’s what you’re doing now, Kuro,” Kenma persisted, still annoyed at the taller.

“So what? I just let it go without knowing the truth? Isn’t that some kind of enabling? Does that sit right with you, Kenma?” Kuroo asked him back-to-back.

“And what if this is all just you speculating about your friend unfounded? How do you think Yuuna would feel about that huh?” Kenma pointed out, his voice finally rising for even just a little bit, an indication that he was about to be done with the taller—again. Kuroo took a moment to breathe in, not wanting to cause another fight.

“It’s not that I want to invade her personal life, I just wanna know for sure, is all,” Kuroo said with forced calm.

“Well, the way you said you were going about it is _behind her back_. How about you ask her?” Kenma snapped at him.

“Do you really think she’d tell me? Honestly? Do you think she’d open up just like that after one question from me?” Kuroo asked as evenly as he could.

“Of course not. That still doesn’t mean you can go behind her back,” Kenma sighed.

“Then what do you suggest I do, Kenma?” Kuroo asked, once again frustrated.

“How about try to talk to her huh? You guys fought, and here you are thinking of stuff that would only madden her more instead of thinking of apologizing, you know, like how you did with me?” Kenma said bitterly.

“Kenma… You know why I can’t,” Kuroo said quietly, going to where Kenma was sitting at the dinner table facing him.

“Because you don’t want to be tied to me, right?” Kenma threw his words from last night back at him.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Kuroo told him, opening his arms and silently asking Kenma for a hug, which was ignored.

“Well then why don’t you try to _enlighten_ me, hm?” Kenma asked sharply.

“This is exactly why I don’t wanna take your money. We’re already fighting and you haven’t even given me anything yet,” Kuroo commented, his hands going to his hips.

“That’s because you’re being a stubborn, prideful little shit,” Kenma said.

“I thought you loved that about me?” Kuroo asked quietly, the fight going out of him. His whole body slumped onto the couch, and he rubbed at his forehead.

“I never said that,” Kenma scoffed at him, if a little lighter.

“Pfft when have you ever explicitly said you liked something about me, Kenma? Voluntarily?” Kuroo asked with a quiet laugh, “I have to make deals with you so you would say something about it. It’s alright though… You know I’ve learned to read you,” he added.

“Kuro… I don’t like it when it affects… us. You’re never a stubborn, prideful little shit with me. Not when it mattered, at least,” Kenma sighed quietly, finally standing up to sit beside Kuroo on the couch.

“Yeah well… I never had any reason to be,” Kuroo shrugged, slumping down further so he could rest his head on Kenma’s shoulder.

“Do you really have to do this? You really can’t let me help?” Kenma asked, and this time Kuroo could hear the resignation in his voice. He already knew the answer to the question.

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo said into his neck.

“Fine, but if anything happens or it gets too much, you’re quitting,” Kenma demanded, making Kuroo laugh.

“I haven’t even started looking for a job yet,” Kuroo mumbled, turning to face Kenma so he could hug him full bodied. They spent the rest of the night touching like that, trying to reconcile these new sides of each other to the ones they knew and loved.

~~~

While Kuroo still hasn’t found a job, he applied to any grants and scholarships he qualified for, which weren’t much, but he got accepted into one that floated him through a semester. He didn’t have any spare time, so he looked for jobs that depended on his outputs rather than his time, and he also asked around people he knew for odd jobs he could do. He also tried doing his classmates’ homework, but that was quickly shot down when Matsuda found out about it, going on about academic dishonesty.

Ever since their little exchange, conversation dwindled down between the two of them. It made him sad, but with his busy schedule and job-finding, he couldn’t do anything about it much—especially since Matsuda actively tried to avoid him whenever she could. Stilted conversation became just awkward greetings, and their texting was also reduced to purely coursework discussions. He started asking around about her, but just like he first observed, she didn’t have many friends so people knew so little about her, and that was mostly about her interests and org works. He got the same answers—she was the student admin, she was friendly and welcoming, but she kept to herself outside of classes. Turned out Kuroo was the closest friend she had, and it made him all the more guilty that he couldn’t patch things up with her.

In the back of his mind he continued watching her even if he would put off thinking about what he saw. One time during a particularly hot day, he noticed the way she always covered up her arms and legs, and he remembered the way she was so uncomfortable that night she hung out with them when Akaashi asked her for her sweater. He realized how good she was with diverting conversation from her from all the times he’s heard her talk to others; and the way she was so aloof. It was a shame really, Kuroo thought, that she was so removed from everyone else. He knew she would be a good friend and he lamented the fact that she doesn’t seem to let herself have any.

Kuroo wasn’t a psych major, but he knew enough to recognize traumatized behavior. He still remembered the things he learned for and from Kenma, after all. On slow days when he could do something else other than coursework, he’d asked around about her parents; or when he was job hunting online, he would look up her name on the internet but he couldn’t seem to find anything connected to her, not even a social media account. He resolved to finally talk to her when the semester ended, hoping he wouldn’t be too late.

~~~

It was just before finals that he got a call in the middle of the night. Kenma woke him up for it, since his sleeping schedule was so wrecked from streaming.

“Kuro, you should answer your phone,” Kenma shook him, and when he was sure Kuroo was awake, he went back to his game.

“Hello?” Kuroo asked into the phone groggily, looking around to check the time. It was 12:39am.

“Hey,” Matsuda’s voice answered him, “Did I wake you?” she asked.

“Yeah, but it’s alright,” he said, sitting up from the bed, “Why’d you call?”

“I’m really sorry about this, but I just have no one else to turn to,” she said, her voice emotionless.

“It’s fine, Matsuda. What do you need?” Kuroo repeated, concerned.

“Can I stay at your place for the night?” Matsuda asked.

“What, like right now? This night?” Kuroo asked again, this time confused.

“Yeah… I’m kinda outside your building, actually,” Matsuda answered with a nervous laugh.

“Okay…? Yeah, sure, lemme just let you in then,” Kuroo said automatically, “Sit tight,” he added, then ended the call. He put on whatever clothes his hands reached first, and then tapped Kenma’s earphones.

“Matsuda’s outside, she asked to stay the night,” Kuroo told him when Kenma lifted one side.

“Let her in then. I’ll be finished here in a bit,” Kenma asked without looking at him. Kuroo nodded at him, then went down.

“Hey, what’s up?” Kuroo greeted when he finally reached the building entrance, taking in Matsuda.

She had with her a huge luggage bag, and she was wearing the least amount of layers Kuroo’s seen her wear so far. Her hair was disheveled, and she looked to have been crying recently. She was clutching her phone to her chest with one hand tightly, and she was smiling at Kuroo in that way she did before their fight, so wide and genuine but revealing absolutely nothing about her.

“I’m sorry for the bother, but I just really needed some place to stay,” she answered, pushing past Kuroo and into the building.

“You okay?” Kuroo asked slowly, following her up to his apartment.

“I will be,” Matsuda promised, nodding as if to convince herself too.

“Yuuna, what happened?” Kenma greeted as they went through the door.

“Wow, going straight for the neck huh, Kenma?” Matsuda chuckled nervously, but it sounded wet to both of them.

“Need anything? Tea? Beer? Something stronger?” Kuroo asked airily, going for the kitchen.

“How are you guys so nice?!” Matsuda exclaimed, and just like that her face crumpled as she let out these big, chest-wracking cries into her hands. Kuroo and Kenma blinked at each other, already expecting something wrong but nothing like this.

“Uh, Yuuna,” Kenma started, a hand hovering over her shoulder, “Is it okay if I touch you?” he checked, to which she only nodded, lifting her feet to hide her face on her knees as she wrapped her arms around her legs, effectively curling up. Kenma started awkwardly stroked down her back.

“Wanna tell me why you called Kuroo at midnight standing outside our building with a luggage carrier?” Kenma asked softly.

Kuroo was still staring at them, still shocked that after 4 months of avoidance, Matsuda was actually here crying in his living room, and Kenma was taking it all in stride. After a few seconds of nothing but sobbing from Matsuda, Kenma looked over at him with raised eyebrows, as if to ask _what the hell are you doing just standing there?_ Kuroo raised one finger at him, went to the kitchen to get some water and went back out, placing the glasses on the table in front of the couch before sitting down on Matsuda’s other side.

“I’m s-sorry, I promise I’ll explain,” Matsuda hiccupped.

“It’s okay, take your time,” Kuroo was patting her back now too, not knowing what else to do.

“I just… I didn’t wanna be alone tonight,” she whispered. She sounded so small and scared, it made Kuroo’s heart ache.

“We’re here for you then,” Kenma assured her with a nod, looking resolute, which inspired a new bout of sobbing from Matsuda. Kuroo looked alarmed.

“What? Did Kenma say anything wrong?” Kuroo asked her, leaning towards her face to see more clearly.

“No no, it’s okay… I just… I never had someone be here for me before,” Matsuda said with a quiet laugh, “I’m not quite sure why I wanted to go here tonight either, just that I wanted to,” she added.

“I’m glad you did. You shouldn’t be going through… this alone,” Kuroo said, not exactly knowing what _this_ was.

“I was so scared, I thought I was done with that phase of my life but tonight was just…” Matsuda trailed off, hugging herself tighter.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning,” Kuroo suggested gently, earning a look from Kenma. He just shrugged at him, mouthing _well aren’t you confused too?_

“…Yeah, okay,” Matsuda took a deep breath. Kuroo braced himself, and he could see Kenma was too.

“I still live with my parents, all the way in Matsue,” Matsuda started, “When it was time to go to college I wanted to get as far away from them as possible, but guess that didn’t work out,” she said bitterly.

“Wait, isn’t that a 6-hour ride?!” Kuroo asked, shocked.

“Mhm, they make me take it every time I have to go here, and they make me go home the same day,” she answered still with that same bitter tone.

“When do you sleep?” Kenma asked.

“On the train…? Mostly I sleep whenever I can,” she shrugged.

“But you’re the student admin assistant, and you’re also in a lot of extracurricular orgs… How do you fit it all in a day? I’m barely keeping up with the double degree,” Kuroo commented.

“The orgs are actually really helpful. Whenever I stay too late working for one org, I can ask to stay in the city, and if it’s connected to school work they’ll usually allow me. I try to be careful with how many times I stay here though, since they’d get suspicious really fast about what I’m doing, even if it _is_ actually org work,” Matsuda said with a roll of her eyes.

“Still, you don’t have to use school as an excuse to stay in the same city where you’re studying for college! You’re what? My age? Shouldn’t they let their daughter do age appropriate things?!” Kuroo ranted.

“Kuro, she probably knows that,” Kenma told him with a roll of his eyes, making Matsuda giggle at them and making Kuroo blush, embarrassed.

“If it wasn’t obvious yet, they’re not exactly reasonable people,” she said dryly.

“Okay, yeah, I suspected that,” Kuroo nodded along.

“Suspected…? Was I that obvious?” Matsuda asked him, and Kenma smirked to himself.

“No! Not at all, it actually took me a few months myself to just start suspecting,” Kuroo tried to backtrack.

“Okay? Then what made you suspect?” Matsuda was curious.

“Honestly? That fight,” Kuroo said cautiously. 

“That _fight_ isn’t even that much of a fight,” Matsuda commented, finally uncurling and sitting back on the couch, “I don’t why I took it way to seriously now,” she added quietly.

“I should’ve tried harder,” Kuroo said just as quietly.

“Well, that’s all in the past now. Are we good?” Matsuda asked shyly, turning to look at Kuroo in the eyes.

“Yeah of course. Water under the bridge,” he agreed easily, “I’m assuming what you meant that day was your parents?” he questioned.

“Yeah. They have a rice paddy, and they’re rich because of it. Just another thing to control me with,” Matsuda sighed.

“So… Is that why you’re here?” Kenma spoke up.

“Not really? I mean, I’m here because I don’t want to be there generally,” Matsuda told him.

“Okay, so what made you come here,” Kuroo asked, “You said you didn’t want to be alone tonight,” he reminded her, and Matsuda just sighed again, looking down at her hands.

“You can imagine what living with people like that would do to someone,” she said quietly, “It took me a long time to realize that living that way wasn’t normal. It was just so _awful_ ,” she whispered the last word, and while Kuroo could only think of what she went through abstractly, Kenma knew exactly what she was trying to say.

“I did things to cope, of course,” she continued, staring straight in front of her with eyes unseeing, her right hand holding her left wrist upward, and the both of them finally saw the inside of her arms for the first time—and the crisscrossing scars that mapped it.

“I’m sorry, Yuuna,” Kenma whispered to her, reaching to hold her hand. He squeezed it tightly, and it grounded Matsuda.

“I never wanted to die, not really,” she said conversationally, “But sometimes things would get too much and I’d need an outlet… Sometimes it wasn’t as extreme as bloodletting, but other times… I never went to the hospital for it, but it was bad,” she admitted, “They never noticed,” she added as an afterthought.

“How are you now?” Kuroo asked.

“I stopped when I got here. I liked it here in the city, felt like I was finally free for a while. That’s when the anger started, to be honest,” Matsuda said with a short laugh.

“Anger?” Kenma followed up.

“Yeah. When I realized that I was living in hell, I was so angry at everyone and everything for a while, and then it just focused on them,” Matsuda explained, “I started planning on how to leave, and it’s taken me two years but hey, I finally did it,” she said with a half-hearted cheer.

“That’s still a big deal. I’m proud of you, Yuuna,” Kenma said sincerely.

“Why do I feel like that’s not all there is to it?” Kuroo probed, and Kenma stared at him disapprovingly.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, Yuuna. Kuro’s just being nosy where he shouldn’t be, _again,_ ” Kenma said, emphasizing the last word towards Kuroo.

“It’s okay, he’s right, I might as well tell you guys,” Matsuda offered.

“You really don’t have to,” Kuroo tried saying.

“Kuroo, that would’ve been more convincing if you didn’t smile when I said I’ll tell you,” Matsuda told him, and he had the nerve to look embarrassed.

“Anyway, I told you both I was scared, and that’s because they pushed me tonight,” she said quietly.

“What did they do?” Kuroo asked, turning serious.

“They asked me about finals, so I told them I thought I’ll be passing, and then they went on about after graduation and this other family with a son studying here too, and they mentioned a betrothal,” Matsuda said.

“What?” Kenma asked.

“People still do that?” Kuroo asked at the same time.

“Apparently. They said it was good for business, since I wasn’t planning on helping them,” she said with a roll of her eyes, “And we fought. I never win with them, so I really shouldn’t have pushed, but I was just so angry. And then they started getting suspicious about why I didn’t want to get married to a total stranger? Like it was a normal thing to do? They accused me of having a boyfriend here in the city! By that point I wasn’t answering anymore so they just went on about not letting me go back, and I panicked,” she paused, reaching for the water in front of her.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Kuroo said, patting her shoulder.

“I went to my room, and they thought I was just throwing a tantrum. I actually started packing a bag, and before I left I took most of the cash they had on hand, which is a lot,” she added with a self-satisfied smile.

“Good for you,” Kenma nodded.

“And then I just hopped out the window and got on a train,” Matsuda finished with a shrug.

“For what it’s worth, Matsuda, I’m really proud of you,” Kenma said again.

“Don’t, I don’t wanna cry again,” she said with wet eyes and a wide smile.

“Are they happy tears?” Kuroo suddenly asked.

“I don’t know? More like relief? You guys are so nice,” Matsuda told them.

“I’m glad you came to us with this,” Kuroo said seriously, “I was actually planning on talking to you, really. When the semester let out,” he added sheepishly.

“I would’ve just shut you out further,” she told him.

“That’s what I said,” Kenma added.

“Well now that you came to us, I don’t have to. That’s a possibility that didn’t happen,” Kuroo pointed a finger at the two of them.

“So what are you planning to do now?” Kenma asked her.

“Finish school, mostly. The money can last me a while, definitely until the end of this semester,” she reflected.

“How about the next one? Where do you plan to stay?” Kenma asked again, looking directly at her.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead?” She said, but it sounded like a question.

“Stay here for a while,” Kuroo offered, “At least until you find a place to stay. Plus, you can save some cash that way. What jobs are you thinking of taking?” he added.

“I have time now that I don’t have to spend 12 fucking hours on a train,” Matsuda said, “So I was thinking of a menial labor job part-time,” she said with a teasing smile at Kuroo, who groaned.

“Great, you’ll get a job even before I can,” he complained, then yawned. Matsuda noticed.

“Oh, right, you guys sleep normally,” Matsuda said, as if just remembering, “I should really let you sleep huh?” she added.

“I don’t mind! If you need company, I can stay up,” Kuroo immediately said.

“I can stay up. I don’t usually sleep this early, and you both have finals,” Kenma scolded Kuroo.

“It’s okay, Kuroo, really,” Matsuda smiled reassuringly at him, “I’m mostly just overwhelmed that I actually left,” she added.

“Are you sure?” Kuroo asked, staring at her. Matsuda only nodded, and Kuroo transferred his stare to Kenma.

“What?” Kenma asked him.

“Are _you_ okay?” Kuroo asked, focusing on his face.

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” Kenma replied, confused.

“Not triggered or anything?” Kuroo followed up.

“Kuro, go to bed,” Kenma told him, annoyed.

“Wait, trigger?” Matsuda asked, her brow scrunching as she looked back and forth between them, “Like, the proper clinical trigger term?” she clarified. Kuroo only stared at Kenma, letting him decide.

“Yeah, the proper clinical trigger term,” Kenma nodded, pulling back a sleeve for Matsuda to see scars on his inner arm as well.

“I’m sorry,” Matsuda whispered, her eyes tearing up.

“It’s okay, I’m better now,” Kenma reassured her, “And that’s why you can go back to sleep, Kuro,” he added, looking over at the taller.

“Okay, okay, fine,” Kuroo held his hands up, “I know when I’m being dismissed. Goodnight, you two,” he said, standing up and going back to his bedroom.

When Kenma was sure Kuroo wouldn’t hear them, he spoke up.

“You almost did it again, didn’t you?” he asked quietly.

“…How’d you know?” Matsuda asked, not entirely surprised.

“I saw the look on your face when you said you were scared. I recognized that kind of fear,” Kenma explained, “I’m glad you decided to leave instead,” he added softly.

Kenma’s been a steady presence tonight, never wavering in his support even if he was low-key about it, Matsuda reflected. Now she knew where it came from, and why Kuroo was the way he was.

“I was sitting there on my bed, and I was already scratching at my wrists, but it wasn’t enough and I really, _really_ wanted to look for a razor. I snapped out of it last minute and decided to leave. I was so tired of letting them push me into doing that again,” she confessed.

“I’m really proud of you, Yuuna,” Kenma said sincerely.

“Is it really okay for me to stay here? I can look for another place,” Matsuda said anxiously.

“It’s fine, really. We have a spare bedroom that used to be mine but I never slept in it, so you can have it,” Kenma waved his hand at her, “Want me to show you?” he asked.

“Sure, why not?” Matsuda said, standing up.

They went like that for the rest of the night, Kenma distracting her with these mundane things, showing her the apartment.

~~~

Kuroo was doodling in his notebook at one of their usual hangouts waiting for Matsuda, who came barreling into his back.

“Kuroo! I got a job!” she screamed into his ear.

She’s been staying with them for more than a month, and after finals it was like she finally let herself out of the cage she confined herself in. It started with little things; she was usually so organized with her things, always kept them in one place, always ready to be packed. One day Kuroo noticed that her stuff was in more places around their apartment, and he pointed it out to Kenma who surprisingly smiled back at him.

“That’s awesome! What job did you get?” Kuroo said with a laugh, pushing her off his back.

“Cooking! I got a job as an assistant cook in one of the new restaurants that opened up along Taito. Apparently being from a rice paddy has its perks,” she shrugged, her face still bright.

“In _Taito?_ How the fuck?” Kuroo asked in disbelief.

“I have no idea!” Matsuda was giddy.

That was another thing that showed up after she started living with them. Matsuda was always ready with a smile, but now it was like it got turned up even more. The day she met Hinata was a day that maxed Kenma’s interaction meter for 2 days. The two hit it off, and it was honestly hilarious to see for Kuroo since the shrimp only talked about volleyball, but they managed to hang out with each other for the whole day. She was very energetic that day, and very cheerful, just like how she was now.

“Well, congratulations! Now you can finally move out,” Kuroo teased.

“Ha ha,” Matsuda laughed at him sarcastically, “Out of the two of us, Kenma’d kick you out first,” Matsuda teased back.

“Wanna bet?” Kuroo challenged with a grin.

“What’s on the line?” She asked gamely.

“How about loser has to clean for an entire week?” Kuroo said.

“Boo that’s lame,” Matsuda said, “How about loser has to rope in Lev and Bokuto and face Akaashi’s wrath again,” Matsuda offered, a glint in her eyes.

“Deal,” Kuroo said immediately, whipping out his phone and dialing Kenma.

“Hi honey, good morning,” Kuroo greeted as the phone picked up.

“What,” Kenma groaned out. He usually does wake up around the time their classes let out.

“So, hypothetically,” Kuroo started, glaring at an already laughing Matsuda, “If you were to kick out either Matsuda or me, who’d you kick out first?” he asked.

“What’s this about? Why am I kicking anyone out?” Kenma asked irritably.

“Just a hypothetical, love. We just wanna know something,” Kuroo assured him.

“You,” Kenma said immediately, making Matsuda howl.

“Kenma! You’d really kick me out? Your beloved boyfriend?” Kuroo whined into the phone, pouting.

“Yes, now leave me alone,” Kenma told him, hanging up.

Matsuda was pointing and laughing at him.

“You really can’t say you didn’t see it coming,” she said.

“I get in trouble with Akaashi anyway so, it’s not like it’s a loss,” Kuroo shrugged at her.

“And every time is still so hilarious,” she tacked on.

Another thing Kuroo discovered about his friend—she had a trouble making side. She loved pranking them both, and while Kuroo was up for it, Kenma hated it. That’s when she became part of the shenanigans quartet, usually just egging on Lev and Bokuto and then smiling her sweet, angelic smile at Akaashi so she’ll get off the hook, which frustrates Kuroo to no end. It was the most surprising change Kuroo saw, but he welcomed it.

“So, when do you start?” Kuroo asked as he got up as well, starting the walk home.

“This weekend,” Matsuda answered, typing on her phone.

“What are you planning to do once you start earning?” Kuroo asked lightly, really just making small talk.

“Probably save it. I have to run something through Kenma first though,” she answered.

“Oh? What is it?” Kuroo probed, now curious.

“I’ll tell you when I talk to him,” Matsuda rolled her eyes.

“Fine, fine, be like that,” Kuroo rolled his eyes back at her.

~~~

“Kuroo, do you want a job?” Matsuda asked the moment she saw him after she walked inside of the apartment.

“What, you gonna give me yours?” Kuroo muttered without looking at her, eyes focused on the game he was playing.

“No, doofus, you can’t cook,” Matsuda stuck her tongue out at him, dropping her bag on the floor.

“What is it?” Kuroo asked, finishing up a battle.

“A tattoo artist!” Matsuda exclaimed, and Kenma popped his head out of their bedroom.

“What?” they asked at the same time.

“Kenma! They loved it!” Matsuda told him with a smile.

“Who loved what? What is going on right now?” Kuroo asked, looking back and forth at the both of them.

“What does loving it have to do with Kuroo being a tattoo artist?” Kenma asked her, ignoring Kuroo.

“They asked me who the artist was, and they told me they were willing to give an apprenticeship,” Matsuda told him excitedly, and Kenma’s eyes widened.

“How do you manage to find these places?” Kenma asked her.

“What do you mean?” Matsuda shot back.

“You keep finding these great opportunities,” Kenma elaborated, “Like, I don’t know, you’re magnetic or something,” he added.

“Well, maybe that’s just life paying me back?” Matsuda replied with a laugh, “I’m not gonna worry myself about it,” she shrugged, still smiling.

“So uh, hi? What the hell is happening?” Kuroo spoke up.

“You wanna explain or should I?” Matsuda asked Kenma.

“You do it,” Kenma said, going back inside the bedroom.

“Explain what?” Kuroo asked, properly annoyed now.

“Okay so, remember I told you I had to run something by Kenma first?” Matsuda started.

“Yes,” Kuroo snapped.

“Shh chill, lemme tell the thing,” Matsuda waved her hand at him, still excited enough to not let his sour mood affect her.

“So, I saw the illustrations you draw for your chem courses, and I really liked it, especially the chemical structures you do. You surprisingly have nice drawing skills,” Matsuda complimented, making Kuroo scoff, “And it’s been on my mind to cover up these”—here she indicated her wrist—“With tattoos for a while now, but I’ve been scared, so I asked Kenma about it, if he thought it was a good idea, and he said he thought so,” Matsuda rambled, one again luring Kenma out of the bedroom.

“I heard my name,” he said as he fully got out.

“And he said he might get a tattoo as well if mine turned out nice,” Matsuda continued, and Kuroo stared at Kenma with a frown.

“What? She’s telling you now, right?” Kenma was unconcerned for the scowl Kuroo shot his way.

“Anyway, when I saw your drawings, Kuroo, I got an idea, so I looked up tattoo parlors and showed them your drawings and they really liked it,” Matsuda told him.

“What? My drawings of chemical structures and formulas?” Kuroo scoffed again.

“Yes! They said you really have potential for geometric pieces, and they’re willing to train you since that’s one area they don’t have someone on yet,” Matsuda gushed, and Kuroo just stared at her.

“What made you think I’d wanna be a tattoo artist?!” Kuroo asked, dumbfounded.

“Well, I didn’t exactly know…” Matsuda drawled out, “But I was kinda hoping you would take it, so I’d have my friend be the one to tattoo me?” she asked, exaggerating the raise in her voice with a smile.

“I kinda like that idea too… my boyfriend tattooing me, I mean,” Kenma added.

Kuroo just stared at them both, then plopped down onto the floor on his back.

“This is some sort of coercion,” he announced, making them laugh. He eyed the two of them.

“Be honest, did you two plan this?” he asked.

“Hello? I just found out the same time as you did,” Kenma pointed out.

“Yes, but you guys talked about it!” Kuroo shot back.

“No, Kuroo, we didn’t plan this. It really just came up,” Matsuda promised, “So will you do it?” she asked.

“Do I really have a choice? Stop with the puppy dog eyes, please, I’ll do it,” Kuroo rolled his eyes at them. Matsuda cheered, and even Kenma got taken in in her celebration, twirling around the apartment with her. Kuroo couldn’t help but grin behind his hand at the two of them.

~~~

That was how Kuroo found himself in his third year of college: taking a double degree and apprenticing at a tattoo parlor when he got the time. His workload surprisingly didn’t change much, but he got paid up front to do some sketches for clients and a percentage whenever those sketches got used for tattoos.

Matsuda and Kenma waited for him to be certified, and by the end of the year he was. They made a day out of their tattooing; even invited the friends who could come. It was surprisingly sweet—Matsuda chose the chemical structure for serotonin to be hers, and Kenma went with a solid black cat silhouette. They didn’t cry, but Kuroo did, a fact that they didn’t let him live down. When it healed, Matsuda got it in her head to send a picture to her parents, and they snail mailed it, along with a note that said ‘fuck you.’ They laughed all the way back home from the post office.

Kuroo never planned on being a tattoo artist beyond that, but as the parlor he worked at gained popularity, so did the clients with requests that were the same as Matsuda’s and Kenma’s. He still wanted to teach, so he worked out a deal with the parlor to only book him with scarred skin, and that became his specialty.

When they graduated, Matsuda finally moved out, and it was with her best smile that she thanked Kuroo and Kenma for taking her in. (Kuroo might’ve cried again, but this time they did too, so it was okay.)

From the kid who thought he’d grow up and play volleyball forever, Kuroo thought he didn’t do half-bad for himself. Some people might think he let himself be carried away by whim a little bit too much, but a few impulse decisions led to what he thought was the best parts of his life, so really, he’d hold those impulse decisions in high regard. It's what worked for him, and he can't wait to see what else it'll bring him.

**Author's Note:**

> 松田 結菜 Matsuda Yuuna  
>  Matsuda means pine tree rice paddy, matsu means to wait  
>  Yuuna means to achieve great results  
>    
>  the first part (italicized) of this work is from [here,](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24977740) where the first idea of TattooArtist!Kuroo showed up in my head. Also, this fic got away from me a little bit (a lot) and I hope it wasn't that bad? It was supposed to be just the situation that got Kuroo into tattooing but, _*gestures at everything*_ they demanded to be written. Thank you for reading it, and please tell me what you thought on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/yadoiAnghel)


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